my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
