I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
