My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
