I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize