Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
