im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
