I cannot find my penis.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
