capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
