Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
