have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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