nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
