Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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