If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
where am i from again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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