my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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