At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
