i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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