This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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