Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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