the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
