It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
