god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
