it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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