According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found puke in my bra..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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