So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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