It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
