I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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