You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize