After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
