it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
