Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
