Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
