party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
