he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
