you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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