Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
