I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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