Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
