I hate all girls vehemently.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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