well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
