the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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