does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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