Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
