After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
