Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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