I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."