Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants