Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today