Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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