Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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