he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
