She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
