somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
