i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
