For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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