'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
