i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
