my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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