I could make wine with my vomit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am available for nakedness
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize