Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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