i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
