I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
