They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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