Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
