The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
